My Testimony: Why I choose to follow Christ

Hello Darlings! This Monday, I my weekly meeting about my Poland trip. This week we shared our testimonies because we have been asked to share them to the kids in Poland. Some of it I have probably already said in previous posts, but I wanted to share it anyway. So, for what it's worth, this is why I am a follower of Christ... 

LOVE. In the United Sates, we use the word all the time. ”I love ice cream.” “I love my dog.” “I love my boyfriend.” “I love my family.” We use it so much I think it means next to nothing anymore, when, really, it should be the strongest word in the English language. I have a story to tell about a love that I can’t even fully understand, but it changed my life, and if you let it, it could change yours.

     When you think of God, or Jesus, or Christians do you think of love? For most of my life Christianity just meant rules, judgment, and hypocrisy. I was raised in a Christian home and my parents were very strict. I knew God existed and I knew he loved me. I have always believed that most of what my parents raised me to believe was true, but as soon as I was able to think for myself I think I could tell I didn’t believe in how they treat people who aren’t exactly like them or don’t believe exactly as they do.

     Nonetheless, I accepted Christ as my savior was baptized when I was ten. I didn’t really understand the commitment I was making at the time. In middle school, I met three girls that shaped my beliefs a lot. We were inseparable through most of high school. They were my rocks. They kept me out of trouble. They showed me how to love different kids of people and accept them for who they are, but I didn’t have a relationship with God.

     When I went to college, the four of us went our separate ways. I lost my rocks, and I didn’t really know God, so the freedom that came with college brought out the rebellion I had been harboring from being raised in a strict home. I broke every rule that I could because it felt good, so why not? I wasn’t that bad, compared to most people, and if there was a God then he would forgive me later, right?

The whole time this was going on I had old friends from church and from camp trying to tell me that what I was doing was wrong, that God gave us rules to protect me because he loved me, not to make me miserable. I didn’t believe them for a long time, but eventually one of these friends actually got through to me. I met him at camp and hadn’t seen him in years, but we have always been close because we keep in touch on the phone. He never gave up on me. One night I was driving home from through a rough part of town. I was lost and scared so I called him. I honestly don’t even remember what we talked about, but that night something clicked and I understood.

I understood that God wanted the best for me, and was always there for me. I knew that he had a plan for my life, and how I was living wasn’t it. I realized what I was doing for the sake of fun was pulling me away from my potential, making my future relationships more difficult, and filling my mind with insecurity- not to mention it was dangerous! With this new understanding, I have been trying to love God back to the best of my ability. I rededicated my life to Christ and asked him to forgive my past, and I believe he did and still does.

Unfortunately it doesn’t end there, I found out quickly that just because God forgave me, doesn’t mean I won’t have consequences here on this earth. I have trust issues that are very hard to get passed, I have a lot of insecurities that will probably never go away, and I will always carry my guilt. I have especially seen the toll that it has taken on my relationships.  I used to date boys that I knew I didn’t have a future with on purpose, because I knew how it would end so I couldn’t get hurt, I pretty much destroyed my relationship with my dad during the times I was so rebellious, and I would never let myself count on anyone because of how I had been hurt by the people I shouldn’t have spent so much time with in the first place. But the thing I struggled with most is letting him have control of my life so that I can fulfill the purpose he created me for. John 10:10 says, “I have come so that they might have life and have it to the full.” My life would be so much easier now if I had listened all along.

Then, God put someone in my life that changed it all. Because of him, I learned what type of man I should be looking for and how I deserve to be treated, and that is no small feet. He was the first man I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and we made plans from the wedding, to our future home, to the rest of our lives. He was kind, he loved God, he had an amazing family that welcomed me with open arms, and he had a righteous group of friends. He invited me to his Bible study with those friends and that study started to get my relationship with God moving in the right direction, surrounded me with the kind of people that wanted that for me, introduced me to a very close friend and accountability partner, and helped me continue to grow in Christ. Still, the real change didn’t happen until he told me he didn’t want me anymore.

There is nothing like seeing the future you wanted for yourself go up in flames. I was devastated. I did everything I could think of to try to change his mind. When all my efforts failed, I went to God. I was looking back in my prayer journal one night, and I realized that this break up was an answer to a prayer of mine from months earlier. I asked God to show me if I am meant to be with this man as soon as his plan would allow, and whatever the answer was, to make me ok with it. As soon as I saw that I truly was ok with it. I had peace knowing that God was working in my life and he must have something better for me.

Also because of that peace, I was finally able to know God and trust Him. I can see Him working in my life on a daily basis and has opened my eyes to so many things. My passion has been unconditional love since as far back as I can remember. I think that is what is missing in most cases of modern Christianity, and it is definitely missing in most marriages. He has given me the gifts of mercy, encouragement, and shepherding so that unconditional love is something that comes easy to me. With these gifts, He had finally shown me what my purpose is, which marriage counseling, and he is constantly bringing people into my life that need to be shown that unconditional love exists. He has also given me a desire to go out of my comfort zone for Him. I had stopped going to the Bible study that had helped me so much after the man that asked me there broke my heart, but because of my new peace and trust in God, I was able to go back. It is also how I am going to Poland, despite my fear of flying; how I was able to give up my credit cards and learn to live on much less; how I decided to start trying to rebuild a relationship with my dad; and how I was able to start let go of the guilt and insecurities I was carrying from my past by letting God carry them instead.

Nonetheless, I still make mistakes. I still fall away sometimes and try to do things on my own. Just because you decide to follow Christ one day doesn’t mean that everything is always going to be easy, in fact we are promised the opposite. John 16:33 says “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” Being a follower of Christ isn’t easy, but what is so great about it is you don’t have to do it alone. We have God! I now have comfort that when God looks at me, he doesn’t see the mistakes that I have made, and when I call on him, he is there to comfort me and take whatever burden I am carrying. I have comfort in the fact that God loved me enough to send his son so I could be forgiven of my past, even after all I did to spite him. This isn’t an “I love ice cream” kind of love or even an “I love my family” kind of love. This love is an unfathomable, unattainable unconditional, love that we don’t deserve or understand. I am telling you all this so that if you want you can feel it too. Those who search for God will find him, and they will have life and have it to the full.

After I shared a shorter version of this in my meeting on Monday someone said something very encouraging to me. I came in late and missed a few testimonies, one of the testimonies I missed was from A women I have always known because she is a friend of my parent's. She came up to me and told me that her testimony is very similar to mine. This shocked me because I have always looked up to her and her group of friends, and I never imagined any of them struggled like I have. It is so nice to know that someone like me, with my past, can have a long lasting, happy marriage, be an incredible mom and grandmother, and be a role model in the church. But that's not the encouraging part. After she told me she has a past like mine, she told me that she has been there my whole life, and recently she has noticed that I have changed and that God is working in my life. That was so good to hear. 

So, those of you who think you are the only one who has struggled with what you struggle with, you are wrong. Those of you who think you have done too much to deserve God's grace, you are wrong. Those of you who think you are too stained to do great things for God, you are wrong. And those of you who think God can't drastically and noticeably change your life, you are wrong. But don't take my word for it, see for yourself.               

                                                          
With enough love until next time,                            
Jenny

Unconditional

Hello Dears! I know it has been a while since my last post, but I this time I am writing about what I am most passionate about so I wanted to be as prepared as possible. Let me start by saying that my goal in life is to save as many marriages as possible. I hate what it has become in this country, and around the world, CONDITIONAL. That was not God’s plan, which is why I plan to become a marriage councilor (which I am pretty sure I have mentioned before).

I am involved in quite a few groups that have a spiritual focus.  The one I joined most recently, Apples of Gold, was the start of the inspiration for the post on this topic. Two Tuesdays ago our group met with a focus on purity. I’m sure many of you cringe and get really uncomfortable whenever you hear that word in a church setting, and I do too. We weren’t just talking about sexual purity, though; it was every kind of purity. The gist of this lesson was if you love God then you won’t have premarital sex, watch R-rated movies, watch the CW, curse, dress provocatively, etc. All that is fine and good and true. If you are raised in the church as I was, then this was probably ingrained in your head years ago. My problem with this particular lesson is that they were talking to 20-something years old women, some single and some married with children, who have most likely messed up in one or even all of these categories. The leader of this lesson didn’t even mention the possibility of messing up and becoming impure, and that is unrealistic. She made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world to just do what’s right so it won’t ever be a problem! I’m here to tell you that that is not true. Being a follower of Christ is not easy. It goes against most of your natural instincts. It is even promised to be difficult. My favorite verse, John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” That is what our teacher failed to mention. Only when you let him control your life, will you be capable of true purity.

The day after Apples of Gold I went to my small group where we were reading chapter 8 of Not A Fan bye Kyle Idleman, which talks about who can follow Christ. ANYONE!God’s love is unconditional in the best way. If your life is less than pure you have hope! Think of the story of Joseph. His brother’s sold him into slavery; they hated him. Years later they were forced to come to Joseph for help. Joseph gave them the runaround and tried to throw their youngest brother, Benjamin, in jail. Judah begged Joseph to take him in place of Benjamin. Judah did horrible things to Joseph, but he obviously changed, and because of this selfless act, Judah was chosen to be the head of the bloodline of Christ. Another example is Rahab, who was a prostitute in Jericho. She hid the Israelite spies, and helped them escape Jericho unharmed. She was obviously impure, but because of this selfless act her family was spared and she was allowed to live amongst the Israelites. Many historians also believe she was a part of the bloodline of Christ. Luke 9:23 says, “If ANYONE would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Anyone! The second you step out of yourself, and towards becoming what Christ planned for you, you have Christ on your side, and He has overcome the world! This is true even if you have to step out of yourself over and over. God’s love is unconditional.

You all are probably thinking, “what does this have to do with marriage?” Hang in there. I’m getting to it I promise!

This week I have heard 3 different lessons that have to do with marriage. I am going to start with the last and tell you about Chapter 9 of Not A Fan. This chapter compared how your relationship should be with God and God’s plan for marriage. Of course, the relationship with God has to be the most important thing in your life. If you don’t put this first, and center you life and your marriage around it, then you will never have the life and the marriage that God planned for you. John 10:10 says, “I have come so that they might have life and have it to the full.” The life God has planned for you is the absolute best life possible, but it is impossible to reach if you are not passionately pursuing God.

Let’s look at Luke 9:23 again, “If anyone would COME AFTER me, he must DENY himself and TAKE UP HIS CROSS DAILY and FOLLOW me.” There are a lot of action words there. It takes a lot of work. To illustrate this, Idleman tells a few stories from his life of when he or one of his friends pursued a girl. My favorite of these stories is when he road a bike 80 miles to be with his fiancé when she went to visit her family for the weekend. 80 miles! She would have been back the next Monday, yet he still went out of his way to be close to her. Most people think that’s crazy, but I’m sure you know some crazy love stories. For instance, one of my best friends sold his Xbox so he could buy an engagement ring sooner, and I know a lot of people who have looked over very condemning pasts and chosen to love someone anyway, because they have changed. 

People do crazy things for other people that they love, so what crazy things are you doing for God? Jesus said that we should love Him so much more than everyone else that it like we hate everyone else in comparison, but is that reflective in our lives? I’m not just talking about what are you not doing (like the purity I was talking about before), I’m talking about making sacrifices, doing something for someone else, or just going out of your comfort zone to serve God. These are things we have to do to be a follower of Christ, along with reading the word and praying.

Idleman says it like this, “Fans are often guilty of offering these kinds of vows to Jesus. I’ll follow you, as long as things are good and you hold up your end of the deal. I’ll follow you as long as you don’t as too much of me. We are afraid to passionately pursue him with our whole hearts because we know that if we make a commitment like that we are putting ourselves on the line. It will require energy, time, and money.” I don’t think that we have any hope of a successful relationship with anyone else, until we have one with God, because your relationship with Him should be a model for your relationships with everyone else, especially a marriage or and serious romantic relationship.

What happens, though, when the inevitable happens and the passion fades? Here is an excerpt from chapter 9 because I can’t say it any better than this, “The best thing they can do to rekindle that love is to start pursuing each other the way that they used to… As they come after each other with extravagant and sacrificial acts of love and devotion the feelings of passion will start to return.” This only works if both people are pursuing each other, I think. With God, it’s on you to rekindle the love because He is ALWAYS pursuing you. With a significant other is a little trickier, but if you want things to change it is your responsibility to make the first move to change them.

Now that we have a clear look at how your relationship with God should be, I am going to switch the focus solely to marriage. This Sunday at my church, Post Road Christian Church, Dennis McConnaughhay and his wife, Jodee, painted a very detailed picture of what a husband needs and what a wife needs in order to have a flourishing marriage. They started by giving us God’s guidelines for His plan for marriage from Ephesians 5:22-30, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the Husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives aught to be the their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such the; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”

What does God mean by love your wife? Dennis and Jodee think it means these three things. Giving, willingly and sacrificially as Christ did for the church. Give of your time, money, and energy. Help with tasks around the house or spend time watching something she likes on TV. It doesn't have to be crazy and over the top, just do little things that you don't necessarily have to do. Intimacy, care about what she thinks and feels, make what bothers her bother you, and spend time with her (note: you shouldn’t be physically intimate with her until you can be intimate with her in every other way too). And lastly, cherish her. Never complain about spending time with her, don’t look lustfully at other women, do things just because you love her, and never stop romancing her. These things may seem silly to men, but it is exactly what a woman needs to know that she is loved.

Likewise, Dennis and Jodee explain what respecting your husband looks like. Appreciating, they suggest making a ta-da list and write down every little thing he does for you so that you will notice how much he really does and thank him often. Also, try not to put him down, especially in public. Men have very delicate prides that are hard to build up once they are torn down. Acknowledging and accepting a man for who he is. Let go of things that don’t really matter in the long run, respect opinions that are in a great area even if you disagree, and try not argue, especially in public, but instead discuss things respectfully and with love. Men need to know their opinion matters to you. And trust him, especially if he has never given you a reason not to. Finally, men need to be admired. Your words, as a woman, are so powerful. Use them to build him up rather than pull him down. 

The McConnaughhay’s also stressed that you shouldn’t withhold love or respect for your mate because you are hurt. That will just drive a wedge between you. Communicate that you are hurt but make sure to continue love and respect them regardless.

This Wednesday at Apples of Gold, Lisa Whorlow spoke specifically about women loving their husband, however it is also beneficially for boyfriends or fiancés. She gave us biblical proof for all of her claims, which I unfortunately didn’t write down. Nonetheless, she gave us three areas that we, as women, are responsible for doing for our husbands. The first is respect, which we already addressed above. The second however is pray for your husband (or significant other). Prayer is incredibly important. It will help you keep a good attitude as well as help in through his day and even through his life. It will keep your relationship centered around God and keep you close with your significant other. The last one, biblically, is only for husbands. Wives are responsible to give their husbands what they need sexually. This is very important to their self-esteem, and a good sex life helps you keep a passionate and intimate relationship even after the honeymoon. Wives are responsible to make sure none of these areas fall to the wayside because of work or kids or stress. It will take a lot of work and even prayer to make sure you have the time and energy.

Sounds like a lot of work huh? It is, but look at Matthew 13:44, "The kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." The man made a huge investment. He sold all he had to own the treasure, but notice the phrase, "in his joy." Selling all he had brought him joy because it was worth it, and he knew it was worth it. Just think of what you'll gain after putting forth all this work: a blissful, loving marriage during your life on earth; and an eternal life with God in the kingdom of heaven! 

Here is one last bit of inspiration, a video showing incredible commitment. It is truly inspiring. Be prepared to cry.  http://genref.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/a-picture-of-this-momentary-marriage/ 

With enough love until next time,

Jenny 

A Twenty-something Mess

This is the research argument assignment that I have slaved over for nights and night on end! Honestly, towards the end I was just bull-pooping it, but the paper turned out to be actually kind of eye opening for me. It came to a conclusion I didn't expect. So ta-da! P.S. Sorry if there are typos, I didn't have time to proof read it.

A Twenty-something Mess

            The relationship between parent and child has been changing since the dawn of time, but one thing that will never change is that children grow up. Physically our bodies become ready for adulthood in our teens, and along with that our minds start to learn to make decisions on our own about that same time. However, in current culture we have trended toward a period of “finding yourself” in the late teen years and throughout our twenties, and during that time a lot of young adults stay dependent on their parents in some way. In American culture, staying dependent on parents in early adulthood is deemed socially acceptable, even normal, because more and more people are trending towards starting their careers, marriages, and lives later and later in life and depending upon parents makes that significantly easier. For the young adults who remain significantly dependent upon their parents through college, or through a time of self-discovery, this becomes a difficult task. One of the cliché phrases we know parents to say is, “As long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules!” In the Declaration of Independence it is said, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men.” Often times these rights are lost to a young adult who remains dependent on their parents, especially those who are raised in a strict religious, specifically Christian, household. Should that dependency give Christian parents the right to push their own beliefs as ultimate truth without allowing for question or even complete disagreement and inflict the strict rules and discipline that usually come along with those beliefs? In attempt to discover what rights Christian parents have in regards to supporting adult children we will discuss: what is responsible for the tendency for young adults to take a time of self-discovery in their twenties, the roll of a parent of an adult child, the effects of supporting adult children on parents, the effects of a parent-child relationship on adult children, and what the Bible says about raising children in a Christian home.

            Jean M. Twenge, a professor of Psychology at San Diego State University and author of Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled, -- And More Miserable Than Ever Before, compares a group of psychologist’s study of mothers in Muncie, Indiana in 1924 with the same study conducted in 1988. When they asked mothers what traits they wished their children to have in 1924, they answered that they wanted good manners, loyalty to the church, and complete obedience from their children. On the contrary, in 1988, mothers said that they wished their children to be independent and tolerant (Twenge, 24). Twenge later observes that as children, today’s young adults have been taught to think that they are special. They are surrounded by a selfish culture that teaches them that no one will love them until they love themselves, so they put themselves first (Twenge, 44-46). This shift is likely to be what started the trend towards a “finding yourself” period in early adulthood. According to the article of research team members of the Australian Institute of Family Studies: Suzanne Vassallo, Diana Smart, and Rhys Price-Robertson, “The proportion of adults in their twenties living with their parents rose from 21% in 1976 to 30% in 2001… Explanations for this trend focus on the increasing number of young people pursuing higher education; a decline in the availability of low-skilled but well-paid jobs for school leavers; financial pressures; and the convenience and enjoyment of living within the parental home,” (Vassello, Smart, and Price-Robertson, 8).  Christine Millard, also a research team member of the Australian Institute of Family Studies, agrees in her article, “Later Life Parents Helping Adult Children,” when she recalls a study by the ABS Family Survey. Millard asserts that 43% of adult children ages 20-24 live with parents, as well as, 12 percent of adult children ages 25-29 (Millard, 40).

            The push in self-esteem from parents in the last generation has inspired today’s young adults, who alone aren’t fully capable of reaching the goals they have set for themselves, to cling to their parents for support until they reach these over-zealous goals. The illusion that parents and teachers give young children that everyone is special is creating and epidemic of selfish, mooching monsters. Look at the term, “everyone is special.” The definition of special is unusual, better, or set apart. For that reason, it is impossible for every child on the planet to be special. Yet, Children are raised to think the sky is the limit! If children work hard enough, they can do whatever they want with their life, but how can this be true? Does anyone dream of being a garbage man or a plumber when they are little? How, then, do trash bags get collected and drains unclogged? The answer in simple, children cannot always be whoever and whatever they want because there are dirty jobs that someone has to do. Hence, what the adult children of today were told growing up is unrealistic and untrue. If they knew the truth about what they were capable of all along, adult children could have been be happier with the lives they have instead of wasting time chasing nearly impossible dreams and then unhappily settling. Those young adults who cannot handle a full time college career or acquire the financing to pay for college would simply learn a trade and start their life. Instead, young adults move in with their parents and impractically go to college anyway. It seems that twenty-something years ago the legitimate role of a parent was forsaken, leaving a twenty-something mess of self-centered adult children.

            There are many studies and opinions concerning the actual role of a parent. Professor of Gerontology and Family Studies, Rosemary Blieszer and Professor of Child and Family Development, Jay A. Mancini mentioned the Rossi scheme for analyzing the development of parenthood. Rossi claims that there are four stages to any development: training stage, adjustment stage, plateau stage, and disengagement stage. However, Parenthood is unique because of its “fewer opportunities for anticipatory socialization and gradual assumption of responsibilities.” (Blieszer and Mancini, 177). In other words, developing into a parent is unlike any other kind of development because one cannot easily stop being a parent simply because they are unsatisfied.

            In a study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, 630 parents were asked how much of financial, practical, and emotional aid they gave their adult children. The results seemed to indicate that the least common type of help given was financial, followed by practical, leaving the most common type to be emotional (Millard, 39). However, “…help was more likely to be given to a co-resident child. While there were no differences in levels of emotional support, a greater proportion gave financial assistance to resident children than to non-resident ones. More parents also gave practical aid to resident children than to non-resident ones,” (Millard, 40). Vassello, Smart, and Price-Robertson go a little deeper when explaining the findings of their own study emphasizing that most parents think it is their roll to pass their beliefs and values onto their adult children, take care of them if they are ill, as well as give them advice of various forms. Likewise, most parents do not believe it is their role to provide food, clothes, and other necessities for their adult children provide help with everyday chores (Vassello, Smart, and Price-Robertson, 10).

             “In the early years, parents nurture, support and guide their children’s development. As young people move through adolescence into adulthood, the nature of this relationship typically changes; moving from a dependent relationship between a parent and a child, to a more equal, mutually supportive relationship between two adults. Underpinning this change is a shift in the way parents and young people view each other. Ideally, parents learn to accept that their son or daughter is no longer a child, but an autonomous individual,” (Vassello, Smart, and Price-Robertson, 8). This change of view is becoming more difficult to achieve with the cohabitation trend growing and can create hostility in that parent-child relationship.            

            With “tough love” ceasing to exist, young adults are behind in their development, which puts parents behind in their development as well. When parents are ready to let them go, child are not nearly ready to be on their own, therefore the parents are forced to continue raising their adult children until they are. Fortunately, Blieszer and Mancini found that parents simply want affection, respect, and honest communication from their adult children. They also suggest that most parents of adult children do not rely on their children for identity and entertainment (178). Vassello, Smart, and Price-Robertson also detect that parents who co-reside with their adult children are likely continue the parenting relationship that they had throughout that child’s life (14). Therefore, when adult children remain at home in their twenties there is little effect on the parents simply because they maintain the relationship that they are used to.           

            The effects of parent-child cohabitation on young adults are unfortunately more substantial. In a case study preformed by professors of Psychology: William T. Dalton III, Donna Frick-Horbury, and Katherine M. Kitmann discovered that young adults who claimed to be satisfied with the parenting they experienced growing up reported to have better current relationships with parents and a romantic partner, and had more faith in their ability to form close relationships with others (13). This seems to demand parental responsibility for the state of future relationships for their children. Sociology professor at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, Belinda L. Needham agrees (895), but also takes it a step further alleging that likelihood of depression later is an adult child’s life is directly associated with the presence, or lack there of, of parental support (900).  Freek Bucx, Quinten Raaijmakers, and Frits Van Wel of the Department of Interdisciplinary Social Sciences of Utrecht University observe, “Young people who live with parents may have more frequent interactions with their parents, increasing opportunities for mutual influence.” Agreeably, Professors of Communication Studies: Paul Schrodt, Andrew M. Ledbetter, and Jennifer K. Ohrt continue that theory, articulating that positive conformity influence of a parent onto a young adult is directly connected with high resiliency in situations with other people, (42). The findings of these experts stress the influence a parent has on a child’s ability to handle future situations. Parent child relationships are directly related to the ability to form healthy relationships, the state of mental health, education and belief about morality, as well as the ability to stand firm to their beliefs if they are questioned. Basically, the quality of a child’s life is in their parent’s hands, and the longer they cohabitate the more influence they have.

            The problem is the legal and social norm is that children become adults at age 18. With the prolonged development of these adolescents, they are still behaving as children and depending on their parents as children do, but the world is telling them that they are adults. For that reason, the parent-child relationship can become hostile. Children who are told that they are adults do not want to be treated like children and will lash out in protest. This makes a period of self-discovery while living with their parents under strict Christian influence potentially detrimental to the social, mental, and moral well being of an adult child.

            So, what can be done? Obviously, parents cannot start throwing their adult children out on the street! After all, it was the parents who unknowingly raised the young adults to be in this situation in the first place. The only option, then, is to re-establish the proper parent-child relationship. Biblically, the expectation on parenting, as well as a child’s response to parenting is very clear. Dave Redick, Minister of Highway 20 Church of Christ, wrote a powerful sermon concerning the subject. He begins quoting Ephesians 6:1-4, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This is a two-sided commandment. One cannot happen without the other.

            “Honor your father and mother,” which could be elaborated: respect your parents, take what they have taught you to heart, and do not make a fool of them. Apparently, when this was commanded there were no child rights; a father had power of life and death over his children (Redick). Therefore, this commandment was for a child’s own good and it came with the promise of a long life on the earth. With proper parenting and at a certain maturity level, this will become a simple task.

            In regards to parents, Redick describes, “Do not exasperate your children,” as breaking a child’s spirit so that they give up trying to please him. Redick continues by explaining how a father might do such a thing: failure to provide discipline, failure to provide instruction, inflicting overly harsh discipline, inconsistent discipline, anger motivated discipline, with-holding love as means of discipline, hypocrisy, over protection, and criticism without encouragement.             Unfortunately, father’s, especially within the church, struggle with many of these exasperating tactics, which makes honoring their parents nearly impossible for a child, adult or not. Only in the case of exasperation is an adult child enslaved by parental dependence. The parents of “Christian” households are breaking the very morals they long to protect. If this unproductive style of parenting were to cease, the parent-child relationship should develop into a more equal and mutually supportive one.

            Still, his does not mean children, adult or adolescent, should be allowed to completely make decisions for themselves. Let us not forget the second half of the command toward parents, “…instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Until a child is completely independent, they should be given guidance in the training and instruction of the Lord. Joan H. Liem, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Boston, seems to agree,”… authoritative parenting helps shape emerging adults’ perceptions of themselves as worthy and efficacious.”  

            Thus, raising children with moral instruction is biblically commanded and personally beneficial, however, the instruction needs to match the maturity level in order to avoid exasperation. There is a delicate balance. Young adults will learn from making mistakes, and require the freedom to make them just as much as guidance support. For that reason, parents are required to give them that freedom in order to achieve and maintain the relationship that facilitates a healthy existence for their child in independent adulthood.

Works Cited

Blieszner, Rosemary, and Jay A. Mancini. "Enduring Ties: Older Adults' Parental Role And Responsibilities." Family Relations 36.2 (1987): 176. Academic Search Premier. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.

Bucx, Freek, Quinten Raaijmakers, and Frits Van Wel. "Life Course Stage In Young Adulthood And Intergenerational Congruence In Family Attitudes." Journal Of Marriage & Family 72.1 (2010): 117-134. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Apr. 2012.

Dalton III, William T., Donna Frick-Horbury, and Katherine M. Kitzmann. "Young Adults' Retrospective Reports Of Parenting By Mothers And Fathers: Associations With Current Relationship Quality." Journal Of General Psychology 133.1 (2006): 5-18. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Apr. 2012.

Liem, Joan H., Emily Cohen Cavell, and Kara Lustig. "The Influence Of Authoritative Parenting During Adolescence On Depressive Symptoms In Young Adulthood: Examining The Mediating Roles Of Self-Development And Peer Support." Journal Of Genetic Psychology 171.1 (2010): 73-92. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Apr. 2012.

Millward, Christine. "Help And Support In Families." Family Matters 51 (1998): 60. Academic Search Premier. Web. 17 Apr. 2012.

Needham, Belinda L. "Reciprocal Relationships Between Symptoms Of Depression And Parental Support During The Transition From Adolescence To Young Adulthood." Journal Of Youth & Adolescence 37.8 (2008): 893-905. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Apr. 2012.

Redick, Dave. "Fathers--Don't Exasperate Your Children." Preacher Study. Preacher Study, 2008. Web. 17 Apr. 2012. <http://preacherstudy.com/members/xexasper.html>.

Schrodt, Paul, Andrew M. Ledbetter, and Jennifer K. Ohrt. "Parental Confirmation And Affection As Mediators Of Family Communication Patterns And Children's Mental Well-Being." Journal Of Family Communication 7.1 (2007): 23-46. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Apr. 2012.

Twenge, Jean M. Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled, -- And More Miserable Than Ever Before. New York: Free Press, 2006. Print.

Vassallo, Suzanne, Diana Smart, and Rhys Price-Robertson. "The Roles That Parents Play In The Lives Of Their Young Adult Children." Family Matters 82 (2009): 8-14. Academic Search Premier. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.

                        

Those I've Loved

Hey Ya'll. I'm going to warn you straight up that I have had an emotional day... and it's not even half over. So, sorry if I get mushy and personal. For this post I am just going to tell you about a few things that got to me between last night and now... So here it goes!


Last night I went to my first Apples of Gold class. Apples of Gold is a mentoring program that my church does for young women. The older and wiser women give us lessons on cooking and child rearing, as well as how to have the relationship with God, your husband, your kids, and yourself that God intends you to have. I can tell already that I am going to love it and learn a lot, so expect reflective reports after the Tuesday night meetings.


At last night's meeting we talked about personal relationship with God, and how to keep it growing. This is perfect since that has basically been what my posts have been about so far, and it is also something I struggle to make happen because I am selfish. A couple of the tips they gave were the cliche ones that everyone knows and chooses to ignore like: read the Bible, study the Bible, pray, and fellowship with other Christians. Some of them, however dug a little deeper. One of the things I liked a lot and plan on doing is pray and read the Bible out loud. I think that makes so much sense, because that keeps you focused and makes it seem more like a conversation. Another thing I plan to do is pray when I'm driving by myself.


I actually did that last one on my way to HOSTS today (PS I will explain what HOSTS is a little later). I have to tell you, It took all of 30 seconds before I was crying. I seem to always think I'm doing better than I am until I actually talk to God for more than a minute or two. It was incredibly powerful, personal, and eye opening; and I would encourage all of you to give it a try and even make it a habit. So far today, I have felt God with me the whole time, and I finally feel like I am getting to know him as a friend rather than this big scary judge who can smite me at any moment. 


Now, HOSTS is something I do on Wednesday mornings. It is a reading improvement program for 2nd and 3rd graders in Wayne township. I work with two kids for 30 minutes each and I absolutely love it. It has probably been the most rewarding thing I have done with my life so far. I mean, you can actually see them improve and see them trust you more and more every week. I work with a 3rd grade boy first, and he is such a cutie. I was so proud of him today. We always read, then do a vocabulary exercise, and play a learning game. He was reading a book about the titanic that was ahead of his reading level because he was really interested in it, and he did really great! He will ask questions and discuss certain parts with me because he genuinely loves to learn. I hope he stays that way. Then, we played the game. When we ran out of time and he was winning, he grabbed his piece and said, "Let's race to the finish." So we did. He clearly won that too, but he insists that we tied so I wouldn't have to lose. I feel like that is so rare in kids this day and age, so it meant the world to me. Getting to know him has been such a blessing.


When I was driving home, I was listening to Eric Church's album Carolina. Now, last summer I saw him in concert when he opened for Jason Aldean, and I really enjoyed it so I bought his CD. However, I didn't really listen to it much because at the time I was partial to Jason Aldean and Jake Owen and rarely played anything else, and then I just forgot about it. So, when I put it in today it was the first time I really listened to it. His lyrics are so powerful! One song in particular, Those I've Loved, really resonated with me. It talks about the people in his life that he loved and lost in some way or another, and how he doesn't regret a moment of loving them, even if it ended badly and broke his heart, because it got him to where he is now. I feel exactly like that about so many people. A few faces immediately came to mind and struck my heart. So, right now I'm all sentimental and reminiscing.


With all that being said, I want thank anyone who reads this and immediately thinks a good memory of me. There are so many people that have come in and out of my life that have made a huge difference: from my childhood best friends, to teachers and small group leaders, to ex boyfriends, and to my best friends now. Some of my friends that I consider to closest to me are those I haven't seen or talked to in months, but they are the ones that make the biggest difference so I thank you the most, I think you know who you are. 


It's a really good day :) I'm going to continue to enjoy it. 


With enough love until next time,
Jenny!

Because I want you too

Hello again! I sort of bore my soul with my last post, now that I look back, but I don't think I went deep enough. I want to make this very clear, following Christ is hard. That is a promise. I am on a spiritual high right now, but chances are I'll be in a valley by tomorrow. Currently, I go to two small group studies and I meet with an accountability partner every week. Even that is not enough to keep me straight. It has maybe been a month since I had this big revelation that God is working in my life, yet I still let my relationship with God fall to wayside on a regular basis. My point is, I am not perfect by any means.

For my Wednesday Bible study, I have been reading Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman. This week I read chapter seven and I am feeling so convicted. Chapter seven talks about people who think they are Christians, but they aren't. On page 101 he says, "My prayer is that your eyes would be opened and the spirit would awaken your soul to the kind of relationship Christ desires to have with you. I am jealous for you to discover that now and not waste another day living with some sort of watered-down and diluted form of Christianity." The rest of the chapter is equally compelling. The whole time I read it I was thinking about my relationship with God. I definitely isn't where it needs to be. I have a new trust in God, but I haven't been making any effort to know him.

In Matthew 7:21-23 it says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name preform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me you evil doers!"...I never knew you... And that makes sense. How could you possibly do the will of the Father if you don't know him? How could we even know what his will is?

Why is it so hard, then, to give God a little bit of your day? Why is it so hard to just make time, especially since it is eternal life and eternal death? Who am I to think that my life is so important I can't stop for a few minutes to talk to the God that created me, and put all the things in my life that I stay busy with? I am a blip in time. I am miniscule. In a couple hundred years, I will only be a name in a record on this earth. God never began and He will never end, yet I think whatever is going on in my miniscule existence is more important than Him? Let's just say I have a lot of work to do.

Something that really stuck out about this chapter was when Kyle quoted Donald Whitney who professed, "If a person is wrong about being right with God, then ultimately it doesn't matter what he or she is right about."Is that profound or what? Not to mention true! When I look back at my life, I can see how different my life looks when I love God and when I don't. Why is it so easy to just forget that I love God? He sent His son to die for me, simply so that I may have a relationship with Him. Who am I to live my life like I don't know Him? Who am I to not desperately try to change and be worthy? Of course, I'll never be worthy, but does that give me license to go on like He did nothing?

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:1) I think it is pretty safe to say the answer is no.

This week I also had the privilege of seeing Jake Owen, live and up close. I am not really a fan of very many people. I don't care about most actors or singers, even if I like the movies they're in or the songs the sing. Honestly though, when Jake Owen walked out on stage I was a 12 year old girl. I screamed bloody murder, I jumped up and down, I even cried a little. I sang along as he performed 7 feet from me. I am a fan of Jake Owen. A huge fan. But I don't know him. I know every word to every song that has been released to the public, I know he recently proposed to his girlfriend, Lacey, and she said yes, I know he is from Florida; but did my life change because of that encounter with him?-- Ok, maybe it did a little. That show set the bar very high for any other show, but will my life continue to change because of Jake Owen? Will I live like I know him, like we have a close relationship and he wants me to be the best version of myself? No, of course not, because I don't know him.


Sometimes that's how my relationship with God is as well. I will go to church camp, or hear a really convicting message, or read a really convicting book like Not A Fan; but I will continue to live my life like it never happened. Unlike Jake Owen though, God wants me to know Him! He is just waiting for me to ask and then He will tell me everything that my mind can handle knowing. So, starting right now I'm asking because I want God too. Prayers are appreciated.

With enough love until next time,
Jenny

To Begin Again

Hello World! My name is Jenny. I used to have a blog where I wrote about artists, movies, and books that I have come across in my life and have made an impact on me. Unfortunately, it was sort of censored... (long story). A lot of time has passed since then, and I have changed a great deal. One thing I have learned very recently is that I don't know what I really think until I start talking, or, even better, writing. Therefore, I have decided to begin again.


This time I want to just write about everything. Art, music, movies, and books will most definitely be a big part of it because that is what I enjoy. But recently I have fallen back in love with my God, and that has changed everything. So, I will definitely be incorporating Him and what He is doing in my life. Also, I have had the opportunity to rekindle a lot of relationships with my old friends and started some relationships with new friends, as well. Needless to say, I am loving where my life is headed right now and I'd love to tell you about it!


So how did I fall in love with God again? I should probably start with how I fell out of love with Him, at least most recently. This isn't a crazy story really. Every follower of Christ falls away a little sometimes. That is just part of being human. For me, it is a struggle to let go of control, which is ridiculous because I don't have control over anything anyway. But sometimes, most of the time, I like to think I have control.


This particular time, I was in love with a boy and I was not willing to see that a future with this boy was not part of my plan and my purpose. It is funny, though, because pretty early in that relationship I was very in love with God for a while, and that boy had a pretty big part in that. I looked back in my prayer notes and I had prayed that God would show me if this boy was part of the plan He had for my life, and whatever the answer was to help me be ok with it. From that point there is evidence of when I got my answer, and how much I didn't like it, and when I stopped talking to God all together because I didn't want to accept it. It wasn't until I was told that the love from this boy, that I thought was real and was mine forever, was conditional that my prayer was answered. I was immediately ok with it, and let me tell you, that is a miracle.


Since then, everywhere I look I see God working in my life. I started to finally trust God, because now I know that, whether I am paying attention or not, God is working in my life, and he knows what I truly want and need much better than I do. Because of this new faith, I am inspired to do things that are way out of my comfort zone like: go to Poland on a mission trip in June, decide to go to grad school to become a marriage counselor, be a promotional model, try to respect my dad and build a relationship with him, and volunteer with Outreach inc. All of these things I would have never even considered a year ago, but now I am. That is both terrifying and exciting!


I am so grateful for all the people who have been in my life while I discovered all of this. I don't regret a single one of you, and I hope I get to keep you all in my life while I change even more.


With enough love until next time,
Jenny!