Hello again! I sort of bore my soul with my last post, now that I look back, but I don't think I went deep enough. I want to make this very clear, following Christ is hard. That is a promise. I am on a spiritual high right now, but chances are I'll be in a valley by tomorrow. Currently, I go to two small group studies and I meet with an accountability partner every week. Even that is not enough to keep me straight. It has maybe been a month since I had this big revelation that God is working in my life, yet I still let my relationship with God fall to wayside on a regular basis. My point is, I am not perfect by any means.
For my Wednesday Bible study, I have been reading Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman. This week I read chapter seven and I am feeling so convicted. Chapter seven talks about people who think they are Christians, but they aren't. On page 101 he says, "My prayer is that your eyes would be opened and the spirit would awaken your soul to the kind of relationship Christ desires to have with you. I am jealous for you to discover that now and not waste another day living with some sort of watered-down and diluted form of Christianity." The rest of the chapter is equally compelling. The whole time I read it I was thinking about my relationship with God. I definitely isn't where it needs to be. I have a new trust in God, but I haven't been making any effort to know him.
In Matthew 7:21-23 it says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name preform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me you evil doers!"...I never knew you... And that makes sense. How could you possibly do the will of the Father if you don't know him? How could we even know what his will is?
Why is it so hard, then, to give God a little bit of your day? Why is it so hard to just make time, especially since it is eternal life and eternal death? Who am I to think that my life is so important I can't stop for a few minutes to talk to the God that created me, and put all the things in my life that I stay busy with? I am a blip in time. I am miniscule. In a couple hundred years, I will only be a name in a record on this earth. God never began and He will never end, yet I think whatever is going on in my miniscule existence is more important than Him? Let's just say I have a lot of work to do.
Something that really stuck out about this chapter was when Kyle quoted Donald Whitney who professed, "If a person is wrong about being right with God, then ultimately it doesn't matter what he or she is right about."Is that profound or what? Not to mention true! When I look back at my life, I can see how different my life looks when I love God and when I don't. Why is it so easy to just forget that I love God? He sent His son to die for me, simply so that I may have a relationship with Him. Who am I to live my life like I don't know Him? Who am I to not desperately try to change and be worthy? Of course, I'll never be worthy, but does that give me license to go on like He did nothing?
"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:1) I think it is pretty safe to say the answer is no.
This week I also had the privilege of seeing Jake Owen, live and up close. I am not really a fan of very many people. I don't care about most actors or singers, even if I like the movies they're in or the songs the sing. Honestly though, when Jake Owen walked out on stage I was a 12 year old girl. I screamed bloody murder, I jumped up and down, I even cried a little. I sang along as he performed 7 feet from me. I am a fan of Jake Owen. A huge fan. But I don't know him. I know every word to every song that has been released to the public, I know he recently proposed to his girlfriend, Lacey, and she said yes, I know he is from Florida; but did my life change because of that encounter with him?-- Ok, maybe it did a little. That show set the bar very high for any other show, but will my life continue to change because of Jake Owen? Will I live like I know him, like we have a close relationship and he wants me to be the best version of myself? No, of course not, because I don't know him.
Sometimes that's how my relationship with God is as well. I will go to church camp, or hear a really convicting message, or read a really convicting book like Not A Fan; but I will continue to live my life like it never happened. Unlike Jake Owen though, God wants me to know Him! He is just waiting for me to ask and then He will tell me everything that my mind can handle knowing. So, starting right now I'm asking because I want God too. Prayers are appreciated.
With enough love until next time,
Jenny
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