My Testimony: Why I choose to follow Christ

Hello Darlings! This Monday, I my weekly meeting about my Poland trip. This week we shared our testimonies because we have been asked to share them to the kids in Poland. Some of it I have probably already said in previous posts, but I wanted to share it anyway. So, for what it's worth, this is why I am a follower of Christ... 

LOVE. In the United Sates, we use the word all the time. ”I love ice cream.” “I love my dog.” “I love my boyfriend.” “I love my family.” We use it so much I think it means next to nothing anymore, when, really, it should be the strongest word in the English language. I have a story to tell about a love that I can’t even fully understand, but it changed my life, and if you let it, it could change yours.

     When you think of God, or Jesus, or Christians do you think of love? For most of my life Christianity just meant rules, judgment, and hypocrisy. I was raised in a Christian home and my parents were very strict. I knew God existed and I knew he loved me. I have always believed that most of what my parents raised me to believe was true, but as soon as I was able to think for myself I think I could tell I didn’t believe in how they treat people who aren’t exactly like them or don’t believe exactly as they do.

     Nonetheless, I accepted Christ as my savior was baptized when I was ten. I didn’t really understand the commitment I was making at the time. In middle school, I met three girls that shaped my beliefs a lot. We were inseparable through most of high school. They were my rocks. They kept me out of trouble. They showed me how to love different kids of people and accept them for who they are, but I didn’t have a relationship with God.

     When I went to college, the four of us went our separate ways. I lost my rocks, and I didn’t really know God, so the freedom that came with college brought out the rebellion I had been harboring from being raised in a strict home. I broke every rule that I could because it felt good, so why not? I wasn’t that bad, compared to most people, and if there was a God then he would forgive me later, right?

The whole time this was going on I had old friends from church and from camp trying to tell me that what I was doing was wrong, that God gave us rules to protect me because he loved me, not to make me miserable. I didn’t believe them for a long time, but eventually one of these friends actually got through to me. I met him at camp and hadn’t seen him in years, but we have always been close because we keep in touch on the phone. He never gave up on me. One night I was driving home from through a rough part of town. I was lost and scared so I called him. I honestly don’t even remember what we talked about, but that night something clicked and I understood.

I understood that God wanted the best for me, and was always there for me. I knew that he had a plan for my life, and how I was living wasn’t it. I realized what I was doing for the sake of fun was pulling me away from my potential, making my future relationships more difficult, and filling my mind with insecurity- not to mention it was dangerous! With this new understanding, I have been trying to love God back to the best of my ability. I rededicated my life to Christ and asked him to forgive my past, and I believe he did and still does.

Unfortunately it doesn’t end there, I found out quickly that just because God forgave me, doesn’t mean I won’t have consequences here on this earth. I have trust issues that are very hard to get passed, I have a lot of insecurities that will probably never go away, and I will always carry my guilt. I have especially seen the toll that it has taken on my relationships.  I used to date boys that I knew I didn’t have a future with on purpose, because I knew how it would end so I couldn’t get hurt, I pretty much destroyed my relationship with my dad during the times I was so rebellious, and I would never let myself count on anyone because of how I had been hurt by the people I shouldn’t have spent so much time with in the first place. But the thing I struggled with most is letting him have control of my life so that I can fulfill the purpose he created me for. John 10:10 says, “I have come so that they might have life and have it to the full.” My life would be so much easier now if I had listened all along.

Then, God put someone in my life that changed it all. Because of him, I learned what type of man I should be looking for and how I deserve to be treated, and that is no small feet. He was the first man I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and we made plans from the wedding, to our future home, to the rest of our lives. He was kind, he loved God, he had an amazing family that welcomed me with open arms, and he had a righteous group of friends. He invited me to his Bible study with those friends and that study started to get my relationship with God moving in the right direction, surrounded me with the kind of people that wanted that for me, introduced me to a very close friend and accountability partner, and helped me continue to grow in Christ. Still, the real change didn’t happen until he told me he didn’t want me anymore.

There is nothing like seeing the future you wanted for yourself go up in flames. I was devastated. I did everything I could think of to try to change his mind. When all my efforts failed, I went to God. I was looking back in my prayer journal one night, and I realized that this break up was an answer to a prayer of mine from months earlier. I asked God to show me if I am meant to be with this man as soon as his plan would allow, and whatever the answer was, to make me ok with it. As soon as I saw that I truly was ok with it. I had peace knowing that God was working in my life and he must have something better for me.

Also because of that peace, I was finally able to know God and trust Him. I can see Him working in my life on a daily basis and has opened my eyes to so many things. My passion has been unconditional love since as far back as I can remember. I think that is what is missing in most cases of modern Christianity, and it is definitely missing in most marriages. He has given me the gifts of mercy, encouragement, and shepherding so that unconditional love is something that comes easy to me. With these gifts, He had finally shown me what my purpose is, which marriage counseling, and he is constantly bringing people into my life that need to be shown that unconditional love exists. He has also given me a desire to go out of my comfort zone for Him. I had stopped going to the Bible study that had helped me so much after the man that asked me there broke my heart, but because of my new peace and trust in God, I was able to go back. It is also how I am going to Poland, despite my fear of flying; how I was able to give up my credit cards and learn to live on much less; how I decided to start trying to rebuild a relationship with my dad; and how I was able to start let go of the guilt and insecurities I was carrying from my past by letting God carry them instead.

Nonetheless, I still make mistakes. I still fall away sometimes and try to do things on my own. Just because you decide to follow Christ one day doesn’t mean that everything is always going to be easy, in fact we are promised the opposite. John 16:33 says “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” Being a follower of Christ isn’t easy, but what is so great about it is you don’t have to do it alone. We have God! I now have comfort that when God looks at me, he doesn’t see the mistakes that I have made, and when I call on him, he is there to comfort me and take whatever burden I am carrying. I have comfort in the fact that God loved me enough to send his son so I could be forgiven of my past, even after all I did to spite him. This isn’t an “I love ice cream” kind of love or even an “I love my family” kind of love. This love is an unfathomable, unattainable unconditional, love that we don’t deserve or understand. I am telling you all this so that if you want you can feel it too. Those who search for God will find him, and they will have life and have it to the full.

After I shared a shorter version of this in my meeting on Monday someone said something very encouraging to me. I came in late and missed a few testimonies, one of the testimonies I missed was from A women I have always known because she is a friend of my parent's. She came up to me and told me that her testimony is very similar to mine. This shocked me because I have always looked up to her and her group of friends, and I never imagined any of them struggled like I have. It is so nice to know that someone like me, with my past, can have a long lasting, happy marriage, be an incredible mom and grandmother, and be a role model in the church. But that's not the encouraging part. After she told me she has a past like mine, she told me that she has been there my whole life, and recently she has noticed that I have changed and that God is working in my life. That was so good to hear. 

So, those of you who think you are the only one who has struggled with what you struggle with, you are wrong. Those of you who think you have done too much to deserve God's grace, you are wrong. Those of you who think you are too stained to do great things for God, you are wrong. And those of you who think God can't drastically and noticeably change your life, you are wrong. But don't take my word for it, see for yourself.               

                                                          
With enough love until next time,                            
Jenny

Unconditional

Hello Dears! I know it has been a while since my last post, but I this time I am writing about what I am most passionate about so I wanted to be as prepared as possible. Let me start by saying that my goal in life is to save as many marriages as possible. I hate what it has become in this country, and around the world, CONDITIONAL. That was not God’s plan, which is why I plan to become a marriage councilor (which I am pretty sure I have mentioned before).

I am involved in quite a few groups that have a spiritual focus.  The one I joined most recently, Apples of Gold, was the start of the inspiration for the post on this topic. Two Tuesdays ago our group met with a focus on purity. I’m sure many of you cringe and get really uncomfortable whenever you hear that word in a church setting, and I do too. We weren’t just talking about sexual purity, though; it was every kind of purity. The gist of this lesson was if you love God then you won’t have premarital sex, watch R-rated movies, watch the CW, curse, dress provocatively, etc. All that is fine and good and true. If you are raised in the church as I was, then this was probably ingrained in your head years ago. My problem with this particular lesson is that they were talking to 20-something years old women, some single and some married with children, who have most likely messed up in one or even all of these categories. The leader of this lesson didn’t even mention the possibility of messing up and becoming impure, and that is unrealistic. She made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world to just do what’s right so it won’t ever be a problem! I’m here to tell you that that is not true. Being a follower of Christ is not easy. It goes against most of your natural instincts. It is even promised to be difficult. My favorite verse, John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” That is what our teacher failed to mention. Only when you let him control your life, will you be capable of true purity.

The day after Apples of Gold I went to my small group where we were reading chapter 8 of Not A Fan bye Kyle Idleman, which talks about who can follow Christ. ANYONE!God’s love is unconditional in the best way. If your life is less than pure you have hope! Think of the story of Joseph. His brother’s sold him into slavery; they hated him. Years later they were forced to come to Joseph for help. Joseph gave them the runaround and tried to throw their youngest brother, Benjamin, in jail. Judah begged Joseph to take him in place of Benjamin. Judah did horrible things to Joseph, but he obviously changed, and because of this selfless act, Judah was chosen to be the head of the bloodline of Christ. Another example is Rahab, who was a prostitute in Jericho. She hid the Israelite spies, and helped them escape Jericho unharmed. She was obviously impure, but because of this selfless act her family was spared and she was allowed to live amongst the Israelites. Many historians also believe she was a part of the bloodline of Christ. Luke 9:23 says, “If ANYONE would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Anyone! The second you step out of yourself, and towards becoming what Christ planned for you, you have Christ on your side, and He has overcome the world! This is true even if you have to step out of yourself over and over. God’s love is unconditional.

You all are probably thinking, “what does this have to do with marriage?” Hang in there. I’m getting to it I promise!

This week I have heard 3 different lessons that have to do with marriage. I am going to start with the last and tell you about Chapter 9 of Not A Fan. This chapter compared how your relationship should be with God and God’s plan for marriage. Of course, the relationship with God has to be the most important thing in your life. If you don’t put this first, and center you life and your marriage around it, then you will never have the life and the marriage that God planned for you. John 10:10 says, “I have come so that they might have life and have it to the full.” The life God has planned for you is the absolute best life possible, but it is impossible to reach if you are not passionately pursuing God.

Let’s look at Luke 9:23 again, “If anyone would COME AFTER me, he must DENY himself and TAKE UP HIS CROSS DAILY and FOLLOW me.” There are a lot of action words there. It takes a lot of work. To illustrate this, Idleman tells a few stories from his life of when he or one of his friends pursued a girl. My favorite of these stories is when he road a bike 80 miles to be with his fiancé when she went to visit her family for the weekend. 80 miles! She would have been back the next Monday, yet he still went out of his way to be close to her. Most people think that’s crazy, but I’m sure you know some crazy love stories. For instance, one of my best friends sold his Xbox so he could buy an engagement ring sooner, and I know a lot of people who have looked over very condemning pasts and chosen to love someone anyway, because they have changed. 

People do crazy things for other people that they love, so what crazy things are you doing for God? Jesus said that we should love Him so much more than everyone else that it like we hate everyone else in comparison, but is that reflective in our lives? I’m not just talking about what are you not doing (like the purity I was talking about before), I’m talking about making sacrifices, doing something for someone else, or just going out of your comfort zone to serve God. These are things we have to do to be a follower of Christ, along with reading the word and praying.

Idleman says it like this, “Fans are often guilty of offering these kinds of vows to Jesus. I’ll follow you, as long as things are good and you hold up your end of the deal. I’ll follow you as long as you don’t as too much of me. We are afraid to passionately pursue him with our whole hearts because we know that if we make a commitment like that we are putting ourselves on the line. It will require energy, time, and money.” I don’t think that we have any hope of a successful relationship with anyone else, until we have one with God, because your relationship with Him should be a model for your relationships with everyone else, especially a marriage or and serious romantic relationship.

What happens, though, when the inevitable happens and the passion fades? Here is an excerpt from chapter 9 because I can’t say it any better than this, “The best thing they can do to rekindle that love is to start pursuing each other the way that they used to… As they come after each other with extravagant and sacrificial acts of love and devotion the feelings of passion will start to return.” This only works if both people are pursuing each other, I think. With God, it’s on you to rekindle the love because He is ALWAYS pursuing you. With a significant other is a little trickier, but if you want things to change it is your responsibility to make the first move to change them.

Now that we have a clear look at how your relationship with God should be, I am going to switch the focus solely to marriage. This Sunday at my church, Post Road Christian Church, Dennis McConnaughhay and his wife, Jodee, painted a very detailed picture of what a husband needs and what a wife needs in order to have a flourishing marriage. They started by giving us God’s guidelines for His plan for marriage from Ephesians 5:22-30, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the Husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives aught to be the their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such the; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”

What does God mean by love your wife? Dennis and Jodee think it means these three things. Giving, willingly and sacrificially as Christ did for the church. Give of your time, money, and energy. Help with tasks around the house or spend time watching something she likes on TV. It doesn't have to be crazy and over the top, just do little things that you don't necessarily have to do. Intimacy, care about what she thinks and feels, make what bothers her bother you, and spend time with her (note: you shouldn’t be physically intimate with her until you can be intimate with her in every other way too). And lastly, cherish her. Never complain about spending time with her, don’t look lustfully at other women, do things just because you love her, and never stop romancing her. These things may seem silly to men, but it is exactly what a woman needs to know that she is loved.

Likewise, Dennis and Jodee explain what respecting your husband looks like. Appreciating, they suggest making a ta-da list and write down every little thing he does for you so that you will notice how much he really does and thank him often. Also, try not to put him down, especially in public. Men have very delicate prides that are hard to build up once they are torn down. Acknowledging and accepting a man for who he is. Let go of things that don’t really matter in the long run, respect opinions that are in a great area even if you disagree, and try not argue, especially in public, but instead discuss things respectfully and with love. Men need to know their opinion matters to you. And trust him, especially if he has never given you a reason not to. Finally, men need to be admired. Your words, as a woman, are so powerful. Use them to build him up rather than pull him down. 

The McConnaughhay’s also stressed that you shouldn’t withhold love or respect for your mate because you are hurt. That will just drive a wedge between you. Communicate that you are hurt but make sure to continue love and respect them regardless.

This Wednesday at Apples of Gold, Lisa Whorlow spoke specifically about women loving their husband, however it is also beneficially for boyfriends or fiancés. She gave us biblical proof for all of her claims, which I unfortunately didn’t write down. Nonetheless, she gave us three areas that we, as women, are responsible for doing for our husbands. The first is respect, which we already addressed above. The second however is pray for your husband (or significant other). Prayer is incredibly important. It will help you keep a good attitude as well as help in through his day and even through his life. It will keep your relationship centered around God and keep you close with your significant other. The last one, biblically, is only for husbands. Wives are responsible to give their husbands what they need sexually. This is very important to their self-esteem, and a good sex life helps you keep a passionate and intimate relationship even after the honeymoon. Wives are responsible to make sure none of these areas fall to the wayside because of work or kids or stress. It will take a lot of work and even prayer to make sure you have the time and energy.

Sounds like a lot of work huh? It is, but look at Matthew 13:44, "The kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." The man made a huge investment. He sold all he had to own the treasure, but notice the phrase, "in his joy." Selling all he had brought him joy because it was worth it, and he knew it was worth it. Just think of what you'll gain after putting forth all this work: a blissful, loving marriage during your life on earth; and an eternal life with God in the kingdom of heaven! 

Here is one last bit of inspiration, a video showing incredible commitment. It is truly inspiring. Be prepared to cry.  http://genref.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/a-picture-of-this-momentary-marriage/ 

With enough love until next time,

Jenny