Unconditional

Hello Dears! I know it has been a while since my last post, but I this time I am writing about what I am most passionate about so I wanted to be as prepared as possible. Let me start by saying that my goal in life is to save as many marriages as possible. I hate what it has become in this country, and around the world, CONDITIONAL. That was not God’s plan, which is why I plan to become a marriage councilor (which I am pretty sure I have mentioned before).

I am involved in quite a few groups that have a spiritual focus.  The one I joined most recently, Apples of Gold, was the start of the inspiration for the post on this topic. Two Tuesdays ago our group met with a focus on purity. I’m sure many of you cringe and get really uncomfortable whenever you hear that word in a church setting, and I do too. We weren’t just talking about sexual purity, though; it was every kind of purity. The gist of this lesson was if you love God then you won’t have premarital sex, watch R-rated movies, watch the CW, curse, dress provocatively, etc. All that is fine and good and true. If you are raised in the church as I was, then this was probably ingrained in your head years ago. My problem with this particular lesson is that they were talking to 20-something years old women, some single and some married with children, who have most likely messed up in one or even all of these categories. The leader of this lesson didn’t even mention the possibility of messing up and becoming impure, and that is unrealistic. She made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world to just do what’s right so it won’t ever be a problem! I’m here to tell you that that is not true. Being a follower of Christ is not easy. It goes against most of your natural instincts. It is even promised to be difficult. My favorite verse, John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” That is what our teacher failed to mention. Only when you let him control your life, will you be capable of true purity.

The day after Apples of Gold I went to my small group where we were reading chapter 8 of Not A Fan bye Kyle Idleman, which talks about who can follow Christ. ANYONE!God’s love is unconditional in the best way. If your life is less than pure you have hope! Think of the story of Joseph. His brother’s sold him into slavery; they hated him. Years later they were forced to come to Joseph for help. Joseph gave them the runaround and tried to throw their youngest brother, Benjamin, in jail. Judah begged Joseph to take him in place of Benjamin. Judah did horrible things to Joseph, but he obviously changed, and because of this selfless act, Judah was chosen to be the head of the bloodline of Christ. Another example is Rahab, who was a prostitute in Jericho. She hid the Israelite spies, and helped them escape Jericho unharmed. She was obviously impure, but because of this selfless act her family was spared and she was allowed to live amongst the Israelites. Many historians also believe she was a part of the bloodline of Christ. Luke 9:23 says, “If ANYONE would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Anyone! The second you step out of yourself, and towards becoming what Christ planned for you, you have Christ on your side, and He has overcome the world! This is true even if you have to step out of yourself over and over. God’s love is unconditional.

You all are probably thinking, “what does this have to do with marriage?” Hang in there. I’m getting to it I promise!

This week I have heard 3 different lessons that have to do with marriage. I am going to start with the last and tell you about Chapter 9 of Not A Fan. This chapter compared how your relationship should be with God and God’s plan for marriage. Of course, the relationship with God has to be the most important thing in your life. If you don’t put this first, and center you life and your marriage around it, then you will never have the life and the marriage that God planned for you. John 10:10 says, “I have come so that they might have life and have it to the full.” The life God has planned for you is the absolute best life possible, but it is impossible to reach if you are not passionately pursuing God.

Let’s look at Luke 9:23 again, “If anyone would COME AFTER me, he must DENY himself and TAKE UP HIS CROSS DAILY and FOLLOW me.” There are a lot of action words there. It takes a lot of work. To illustrate this, Idleman tells a few stories from his life of when he or one of his friends pursued a girl. My favorite of these stories is when he road a bike 80 miles to be with his fiancé when she went to visit her family for the weekend. 80 miles! She would have been back the next Monday, yet he still went out of his way to be close to her. Most people think that’s crazy, but I’m sure you know some crazy love stories. For instance, one of my best friends sold his Xbox so he could buy an engagement ring sooner, and I know a lot of people who have looked over very condemning pasts and chosen to love someone anyway, because they have changed. 

People do crazy things for other people that they love, so what crazy things are you doing for God? Jesus said that we should love Him so much more than everyone else that it like we hate everyone else in comparison, but is that reflective in our lives? I’m not just talking about what are you not doing (like the purity I was talking about before), I’m talking about making sacrifices, doing something for someone else, or just going out of your comfort zone to serve God. These are things we have to do to be a follower of Christ, along with reading the word and praying.

Idleman says it like this, “Fans are often guilty of offering these kinds of vows to Jesus. I’ll follow you, as long as things are good and you hold up your end of the deal. I’ll follow you as long as you don’t as too much of me. We are afraid to passionately pursue him with our whole hearts because we know that if we make a commitment like that we are putting ourselves on the line. It will require energy, time, and money.” I don’t think that we have any hope of a successful relationship with anyone else, until we have one with God, because your relationship with Him should be a model for your relationships with everyone else, especially a marriage or and serious romantic relationship.

What happens, though, when the inevitable happens and the passion fades? Here is an excerpt from chapter 9 because I can’t say it any better than this, “The best thing they can do to rekindle that love is to start pursuing each other the way that they used to… As they come after each other with extravagant and sacrificial acts of love and devotion the feelings of passion will start to return.” This only works if both people are pursuing each other, I think. With God, it’s on you to rekindle the love because He is ALWAYS pursuing you. With a significant other is a little trickier, but if you want things to change it is your responsibility to make the first move to change them.

Now that we have a clear look at how your relationship with God should be, I am going to switch the focus solely to marriage. This Sunday at my church, Post Road Christian Church, Dennis McConnaughhay and his wife, Jodee, painted a very detailed picture of what a husband needs and what a wife needs in order to have a flourishing marriage. They started by giving us God’s guidelines for His plan for marriage from Ephesians 5:22-30, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the Husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives aught to be the their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such the; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”

What does God mean by love your wife? Dennis and Jodee think it means these three things. Giving, willingly and sacrificially as Christ did for the church. Give of your time, money, and energy. Help with tasks around the house or spend time watching something she likes on TV. It doesn't have to be crazy and over the top, just do little things that you don't necessarily have to do. Intimacy, care about what she thinks and feels, make what bothers her bother you, and spend time with her (note: you shouldn’t be physically intimate with her until you can be intimate with her in every other way too). And lastly, cherish her. Never complain about spending time with her, don’t look lustfully at other women, do things just because you love her, and never stop romancing her. These things may seem silly to men, but it is exactly what a woman needs to know that she is loved.

Likewise, Dennis and Jodee explain what respecting your husband looks like. Appreciating, they suggest making a ta-da list and write down every little thing he does for you so that you will notice how much he really does and thank him often. Also, try not to put him down, especially in public. Men have very delicate prides that are hard to build up once they are torn down. Acknowledging and accepting a man for who he is. Let go of things that don’t really matter in the long run, respect opinions that are in a great area even if you disagree, and try not argue, especially in public, but instead discuss things respectfully and with love. Men need to know their opinion matters to you. And trust him, especially if he has never given you a reason not to. Finally, men need to be admired. Your words, as a woman, are so powerful. Use them to build him up rather than pull him down. 

The McConnaughhay’s also stressed that you shouldn’t withhold love or respect for your mate because you are hurt. That will just drive a wedge between you. Communicate that you are hurt but make sure to continue love and respect them regardless.

This Wednesday at Apples of Gold, Lisa Whorlow spoke specifically about women loving their husband, however it is also beneficially for boyfriends or fiancés. She gave us biblical proof for all of her claims, which I unfortunately didn’t write down. Nonetheless, she gave us three areas that we, as women, are responsible for doing for our husbands. The first is respect, which we already addressed above. The second however is pray for your husband (or significant other). Prayer is incredibly important. It will help you keep a good attitude as well as help in through his day and even through his life. It will keep your relationship centered around God and keep you close with your significant other. The last one, biblically, is only for husbands. Wives are responsible to give their husbands what they need sexually. This is very important to their self-esteem, and a good sex life helps you keep a passionate and intimate relationship even after the honeymoon. Wives are responsible to make sure none of these areas fall to the wayside because of work or kids or stress. It will take a lot of work and even prayer to make sure you have the time and energy.

Sounds like a lot of work huh? It is, but look at Matthew 13:44, "The kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." The man made a huge investment. He sold all he had to own the treasure, but notice the phrase, "in his joy." Selling all he had brought him joy because it was worth it, and he knew it was worth it. Just think of what you'll gain after putting forth all this work: a blissful, loving marriage during your life on earth; and an eternal life with God in the kingdom of heaven! 

Here is one last bit of inspiration, a video showing incredible commitment. It is truly inspiring. Be prepared to cry.  http://genref.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/a-picture-of-this-momentary-marriage/ 

With enough love until next time,

Jenny